It's a Dream
by NiftyCrifty
Summary: Some scenes that I imagine while listening to the end song. From the drama's plot, episodes 21-23. First story! Hope that everyone is not too out of character. JiangChenxChenXiaoxi Hope you enjoy it.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters all belong to the drama and the novel "A Love so Beautiful". **

This is a little snippet of things I imagine, when listening to the end song, _It's a Dream. _The story focuses on some events from episodes 21-23 in the drama.

First time writing! Hope you all like it.

* * *

**It's a Dream**

_Perhaps it was a spell the fairies cast,  
__Creating the words between you and me._

_The bustling of the world is too overwhelming,  
__Where can I rest?_

_Don't worry about being doubted or suppressed,  
__Listen to the response in your heart,  
__ What have you lost that made your heart ache?  
__You should understand._

'_Tell me, this is a dream.'  
__Its my talk in my sleep,  
__Painting a __future of a home filled with the things I love.  
_

_In my dreams, all my hardships have budded.  
Where are you watching me with a small smile,  
Gently saying, "Come,don't be afraid."_

The entire higher ups of the staff at Xiehe hospital and medical research institute only had words of praise for their intern of one year, Jiang Chen. No one could beat his abilities, neither his senior interns nor the newest recruit. He truly had a promising career ahead of him. Even with several years to go, word got around that the directors were concocting a plan to keep him there.

Intern Jiang was diligent, hardworking, highly efficient, and very knowledgeable. He always conducted himself professionally and regarded his seniors and mentors with great respect and politeness. One week into his arrival a year ago, he had quickly thrown himself into the vigor of training, practically living in his office, studying files and cases day in and day out.

He only had one aspect of critique, which could be negligible because of his constant outstanding performance. Now and then, his teachers would find the scrawl 'Chen Xiaoxi' in place of Jiang Chen's signature on the medical charts.

Dr. Zhang Qiao, who used to be a strict woman but had mellowed over the years especially at the prospect of a new grandchild, had become curious about her brilliant student. If it was any other person, she would have dragged him/her into her office and scolded the student for his/her lack of diligence. But it was Jiang Chen. Dr. Zhang felt that it was something entirely different.

She remembered one time, when she was particularly impressed by Jiang Chen's performance, she had asked, "Do you have a girlfriend?" His response was almost immediate, if a bit defensive, "Yes." Dr. Zhang recalled how his expression didn't match his words. This young man's face, though expressionless with a hint of a scowl, had eyes of misery, longing, and pain. _Ah. _She had thought at that time, _there is something about that girl of his. _Dr. Zhang and others at Xiehe had been unable to get Intern Jiang to devolve more of his background. For he always kept to himself. He stayed relatively silent unless addressed. He also avoided social affairs.

Now Dr. Zhang sat in her office, flipping through the incorrectly signed medical charts. A knock sounded. "Dr. Zhang, it's me, Jiang Chen." She asked him to come in.

"Student Jiang Chen, what is this on your charts?" Dr. Zhang slid the papers across her desk to display the incorrect signatures. Without any change in his expression, Jiang Chen immediately bowed, "I apologize for my oversight. I will rectify this and immediately have them on your desk."

He gathered the medical charts into his hands. "If there isn't anything else, I will return to my office and fix this right away." Jiang Chen dipped his head in deference and quietly left the office.

Dr. Zhang sighed as she observed her favorite student's pallid and haggard face. _My boy, are you trying to work yourself to death? _

Jiang Chen honestly preferred life this way. He liked to stay at the hospital as long as possible. The long grueling work shifts tired him out. The more surgeries he was allowed to observe, the more knowledge he gained and the more skilled he became. He squashed the tiny voice at the back of his head that said he only wanted to return home quicker, and perhaps search for Chen Xiaoxi.

He found a way to cope because he convinced himself that he was entirely fine without Chen Xiaoxi. Jiang Chen was quick to realize that if he was entirely exhausted by the day's work, he would slip into unconsciousness without dreams. Dreams were the only problem he had to deal with. He hated those dreams, where he would see himself happily married to Chen Xiaoxi, where he could hug her, laugh with her, spend time with her, eat with her, or do anything with her. He hated them so much because when he woke up in his room, it was dark and he was invariably alone.

In another scenario, it was a dream of searching. He would run through the crowd at the airport, desperately shouting her name until his voice grew hoarse. He would look in every direction anxiously. Her back would always face him and at the end, he would always lose sight of her. She would slip out from his grasp. The keen sense of loss and desperation would wake him up. He would find tears that fell unknowingly while he slept, and he would quickly scrub them away.

The pain in his heart would flare and he would feel nauseous. The next morning was always worst. In the morning, he had to face the cold reality, that he had let go of Xiaoxi.

Usually after these dreams, he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, so he'd get up. If he was lucky it would be around 4am. He'd take a shower, make a coffee, and skim through his patients' files. He'd show up at the hospital early, eager to dive back into work and distract himself from the emotions that were dredged up most unwelcomingly at night.

A sure way, however, to reach the point of exhaustion with total accuracy, Jiang Chen decided, was to work in his office until the point of collapse. Then, he could just crawl on his bed in his resting room and close his eyes. It was fitful sleep, the blinding white fluorescent lights jolting him now and again. But, it was still rest and most importantly, his mind would not conjecture any scenes or images. Because of this, he was comforted.

It was at times like today, late in the summer, that Jiang Chen found himself working more feverishly. He needed to distract himself so he wouldn't think. He was afraid he would dream, and he was afraid of what he would see in his dreams. Around this time, they had broken up, and also around this time, Chen Xiaoxi would always find a way to creep into his thoughts, despite his efforts to tire himself out thoroughly with medical files, research and rounds.

Her face would whirl in his head. He would constantly hallucinate her touch, her presence, and her voice. In fact, these symptoms appeared during certain times of the year, Christmas, New Year's, birthdays, his dad's memorial day etc. He was quite sentimental really. Jiang Chen had no idea how he dealt with it each time. The memories were so strong…

Today went even worse. The team of doctors mentoring Jiang Chen urged him to take a breather during lunch break. One of the patients, albeit a successful surgery, remained in critical condition and was closely monitored in Intensive Care. The projection was, the patient would likely not make it to the next morning.

When he sat in his office thinking about the patient and the inevitable bad news he would have to give to family's and relatives, Jiang Chen's spirit dipped even lower. It reminded him of his failures, despite the fact that he was learning and improving. It reminded him of his own irretrievable losses. It reminded him of the doctor, in a white coat, leaning down and telling him gently, that his dad was leaving him forever.

Jiang Chen found himself pulling out his phone and dialing a familiar number. He felt shameful and guilty that he wasn't brave enough to broach a reconciling conversation. _She should be the one doing it. _That was his excuse. But that did not stop him from calling Xiaoxi now and then, if only to listen to her familiar voice on the voice message machine. That was enough to comfort him at difficult times like these.

Sometimes, she would pick up and he would loudly type on his laptop or rustle a few papers to pretend that he had misdialed. But that short period of connection through a phone call made him feel Xiaoxi's presence…and it was slightly easier to deal with difficult medical cases at the hospital. He felt pathetic, that even though he could do without her in his life, losing patients still made him seek her out for comfort. That's how he convinced himself anyway.

Lunch time, having no appetite to eat, found him sitting under the shade of a tree, on the riverbank behind the research institute of Xiehe. It was a quiet place. And suddenly, Xiaoxi rang him. There wasn't much conversation of importance to recall. _I will change my number_. She had yelled. Jiang Chen got so angry and frustrated that he immediately hung up and threw his phone into the river. _Does she really want me to be out of her life so badly? Does she not think of me in her new life? _

Seconds later, he waded into the river and fished his phone out. Not good at all. Xiehe would not be able to reach him in case of emergency, or so he told himself. _Chen Xiaoxi wouldn't be able to reach me. _In an angry huff, for Jiang Chen's temper was almost as fierce as Xiaoxi's, he quickly dropped his phone off at a repair shop and returned to the hospital.

Luckily for him, the water damage was repairable.

Nearly another half year of non-stop work passed again, and Jiang Chen's higher ups decided to force him on a three-day holiday. He managed to haggle it to only one day off. He really hated to be idle. He had also finally convinced himself that he forgot about the matter with the phone call... No, that wasn't true, he actually couldn't forget.

Now it was late afternoon, and the sun dipped low in the horizon. The hunched and defeated figure of Jiang Chen sat on the riverbank. The long swaying grass in the wind, gently brushed his pants.

When he wasn't busy, when he wasn't distracted, he would begin to indulge in the bittersweet memories, memories tinged with longing and regret. If he closed his eyes and imagined carefully, he could smell the faint lavender shampoo of Xiaoxi's hair. He could imagine the feeling, whenever Xiaoxi jumped into his arms in an exuberant hug. He could feel the way she felt in his arms, how he loved to rest his chin on her head, how he felt loved and needed by her. He could hear her excited chatter and her bell-like laugh. He could vividly recall her smiling face and misty eyes in front of him. It was as if, all along, she was beside him.

When he opened his eyes, his chest would throb, and his stomach would churn with nausea because she wasn't there. The discomfort was ten-fold.

Annoyed at these emotions, Jiang Chen threw a twig into the river and sighed. His throat constricted, his eyes grew hot, and his breathing became shallow. But he will not allow himself to shed tears.

And finally, at this moment of calm and silence, at this moment of silent anguish and pain, Jiang Chen admitted to himself that he could not be without Chen Xiaoxi.

Everyday floated past like a dream because the reality was, Xiaoxi was gone from his life. It was too difficult for him to accept. It made him vulnerable.

He missed her infinitely.

_Perhaps it was a spell the fairies cast,  
__Creating the words between you and me._

_In this harsh world, tears always fall and disappear.  
Which drop of tears could you not let go?_

_Don't worry about being doubted or suppressed,  
__Listen to the response in your heart,  
__What have you lost that made your heart ache?  
__I now know.__  
_

'_Tell me, this is a dream.'  
__Its my talk in my sleep,  
__Painting a __future of a home filled with the people I love._

_In my dreams, all my hardships have blossomed.  
__You are there, watching me with a small smile,  
__Gently saying, "Come. Don't be afraid."_

_Oh Dreams, how many days and nights could I not let go?  
My stomach hurts, my throat is clogged.  
The passion of my youth will pave a way of flowers.  
_

…..

It was a shock to run into Lin Jingxiao and Lu Yang at the hospital yesterday. To be honest, he did not realize that he missed their companionship until he saw them. He felt nostalgic for the simpler times in the past, when they tried to fool their teachers and cover for each others' antics. But to be honest, he had felt like an outsider the whole time. They were Xiaoxi's friends and it was because Xiaoxi always dragged him along, that they got acquainted. When they broke up, they would all no doubt support her, that's why he had withdrawn from them. Plus, the memories were painful.

_Who would stand up for me? _Jiang Chen thought, trying to ignore the loneliness that suddenly washed over him. _She is lucky to have such caring people by her side, she needs them. I have been trained since my mother left, to be self-reliant, I can deal with this. _Jingxiao and Lu Yang had made it clear anyway. They hated him. Jiang Chen felt ashamed that he felt a hurt by the declaration, but people in his life always left. This wasn't anything different.

Even Lu Yang's invitation to his bachelor party tonight was out of obligation rather than friendship. And he even stupidly came up with the idea to go with a fake girlfriend. Jiang Chen groaned as he recalled the party in the darkness of his office. His temples throbbed from the slight beer he drank and the harsh glare of his computer screen. Jiang Chen had returned to the hospital despite not having a shift, after driving everyone home. He didn't want to go home and face the emptiness of his apartment.

His blood boiled when he remembered how Xiaoxi had peeled a clementine for that Wu Bosong. However, nothing compared to the surge of hatred he felt for the swimmer, as he only gladly took the fruit, without caring for the fact that Xiaoxi's hands were sticky. _You said you liked her, yet you didn't even consider that her hands were dirty, and she would forget to wipe them. _Jiang Chen had cursed Bosong in his head, as he, unable to help himself, had taken some Kleenex and grabbed Xiaoxi's hands to clean them. Really though, he had no right at all to judge Bosong's level of consideration towards Xiaoxi. Wasn't he himself the same?

He also felt slightly elated. He kissed her and she returned the kiss. This proved that Xiaoxi might still have feelings for him. What should he do now? He had no idea at all. He wasn't used to the role of winning someone over. That had been Xiaoxi.

He couldn't control himself after hearing her apology. Although, she didn't know what she was apologizing for. That's what Jiang Chen liked about Xiaoxi. She was so innocent, ignorant and naïve. She was clueless to the effect she had on him, clueless to how much she meant to him in reality, clueless of how much he had suffered these three years and that her suffering was not one-sided. He also knew that Xiaoxi thought he was in the wrong, and he would never hear her apology. _It is true though, that it was partly my fault. But she is also at fault for maintaining her tantrum, ignoring attempts to hold a genuine conversation to talk about it. _So, he had accepted her apology, even though she didn't know what she was doing. Accepted the words and pretended that it was meant for her actions in the past.

_There won't be next time. _He had said that before kissing her on whim. And there won't be. Now that he saw her again, he will win her back. He will not allow their tempers to get in the way of their relationship, they will communicate, they will clear up every misunderstanding in the future. He will go after her, if the situation appropriately demands it. He will…do anything for her. He will not let her go again.

How can he make this dream come true? Let it be true, that one day he will be able to return to a warm home with Xiaoxi waiting for him with open arms, a gentle smile, and a warm embrace. And finally, he would feel loved and secure.

His phone buzzed all the sudden, jolting him from his thoughts. A call from Jingxiao. The clock on the screen indicated that it was midnight.

"Jingxiao." He said.

"You haven't changed. I didn't even get a 'hello'." Jingjing's voice was light, belying the seriousness of the topic she was about to broach.

"How are you?" Jiang Chen responded, slightly chastised.

"Look, Lu Yang will kill me if he knew I called you. So, I will just cut to the chase. What do you think you're doing? With your display tonight?"

"…Nothing much. And don't tell me it is outside of your capabilities to coax Lu Yang out of his moods?" Jiang Chen attempted to divert the topic.

"Cut the crap out. The girl, Zhuang Dongna, she's fake right?" Jingjing guessed. She was certain, especially with how she noticed Jiang Chen staring at her best friend the whole night, his eyes never leaving her.

"…"

"It doesn't matter if you don't respond. I understand more than you can imagine. You might not think this way, always being so independent, that we are your friends too. Me, Lu Yang, Wu Bosong. We always stood together and will always stand together. Regarding Xiaoxi…I will admit, Lu Yang supports Wu Bosong. But I know you two, and I think you are better for Xiaoxi. I am rooting for you. Xiaoxi and I have talked before, I am sure she has feelings for you still. Listen, you two need proper communication this time around, talk more and be more aware of each other's feelings. You, you are clumsy with emotions. Try to put yourself in her shoes. You better not screw up this time around. Look, tomorrow we are going out to get the bridal dresses for the wedding this weekend. Come in the afternoon, get the opportunity for a good chat. I will try to help you win her back."

"Hn. Thank you Jingxiao." That was as many words as Jingjing could get out of Jiang Chen in response to her monologue. _Emotionally challenged moron, _Jingjing thought exasperatedly.

"That's a start. Appreciate your friends." Not long after they hung up.

Jiang Chen remembered the kiss tonight. The clenching of his heart had slightly released. Jingxiao's words gave him reassurance. He also felt happy that one person was out there, supporting him.

The next afternoon, Jingjing happily tried on her wedding dress for last minute adjustments. She observed herself closely in the mirror. It was also a good opportunity to chat with Xiaoxi and see what she thought about Jiang Chen's return. She smiled sadly as she saw her best friend since high school sift through the wedding dress racks wistfully.

"You can try them on, why not?" Jingjing said encouragingly. But Xiaoxi only shook her head shyly and bashfully.

"I'm so envious of you." Xiaoxi said to her friend as she looked at the wedding dresses.

"You can too." Jingjing replied.

"Uhm," Jingjing started, unsure of what Xiaoxi thought of last night. "That time with Jiang Chen…stop diverting the topic…Now that Jiang Chen is back, what are your plans?"

Xiaoxi tried to act nonchalant. "What plans should I have?" Jingjing raised an eyebrow, but Xiaoxi carried on, "Its been so long already, passionately chasing such a cold, heartless guy, I don't want to do this anymore now that I'm older."

"What about Jiang Chen? What did he say?" Jingjing asked. Inwardly she was really thinking, _Jiang Chen, you should thank me later for this act I am masterfully putting on. _

"He kiss- He found a fake girlfriend to test me." Jingjing of course was not surprised since she already knew. But she pretended to be shocked, which was easy because she was pretty sure Xiaoxi was about to say that Jiang Chen kissed her that night, judging by her abrupt pause. _Sneaky. _

"I knew it, that Zhuang Dongna was fake. Jiang Chen is usually accustomed to simple girls like you, how would he suddenly be interested in such classy and flashy girls?" Jingjing said, acting as if she didn't know anything. At Xiaoxi's glare, she immediately added, "You know this is the way I speak…"

Xiaoxi said nothing as she continued to look at the dresses. Jingjing sighed mentally and decided to repeat the same advice she gave to Jiang Chen. "You two should really have a good talk about it." Xiaoxi looked chastened and just nodded her head.

_Stubborn and still holding a grudge. _Jingjing observed her friend's reaction. Most likely, Xiaoxi was still trying to avoid a confrontation, afraid of what might happen. Jiang Chen really had work cut out for him.

In Jingjing's eyes, bridal dress reservation tactic was a total flop. _Why didn't Jiang Chen show up? _Ah yes, she recalled her stupid words to Lu Yang. She had ordered him to call anyone, Jiang Chen or Wu Bosong. Her darling, obviously, dialed Wu Bosong, since the swimmer showed up. _Idiot Lu Yang, with a heart to help but creating even more challenges. _

From the corner of her eyes, she saw a figure clad in a suit turn away from the store. _Poor Jiang Chen, I am sorry._

...

_"Tell me it will come true."  
It's my talk in my sleep,  
Painting a future of a home filled with everything I love._

_In my dreams, all my hardships have blossomed.  
__You are there, watching me with a small smile,  
Gently saying, "Come. Don't be afraid."_

It was eleven at night by the time Jiang Chen returned to the hospital. The ultrasound results for the patient was not satisfactory and the team quickly prepared for an emergency surgery, with him as the leading surgeon. His stoic mask slid back into place as he locked his emotions inside. He needed total focus for a successful surgery. Now wasn't the time to dwell on the fact that he might have failed in winning back Chen Xiaoxi. _What more could he do? _He would do anything to have her back at his side. He refused to carry on as he had for the past three years.

In his mind, he felt a dream slipping away, the figure of Xiaoxi dressed in a wedding gown. The dream of marrying her. _Well at least no matter what happened, Xiaoxi's dream of publishing a manhua is coming true. _(Author's note, 'manhua' is the Chinese term for comics, equal to the Japanese term 'manga'.)

Wu Bosong. He really needed to give credit to this guy, who turned out to be a self-sacrificing friend. Jiang Chen really owed a lot to him this time, if Xiaoxi truly would accept him again. Bosong had secretly dialed Xiaoxi as he confessed his feelings. Jiang Chen never felt such level of horror when Bosong lifted his phone to his ears and called out, "Xiaoxi, did you hear everything?" _What if this was all for naught? Jingxiao had said that being frank and honest was the best. _Jiang Chen had never been so anxious and unconfident. But now wasn't the time to think brood over these things.

If the nurses noticed Jiang Chen's slightly swollen red eyes, they gave no indication. The head nurse wordlessly helped the him into his surgical scrubs. Jiang Chen pulled on a pair of white surgical gloves, took a deep breath, glanced at the clock, and lifted a scalpel.

"The heart operation is about to begin."

In the surgery room, Dr. Jiang worked meticulously with a focused mind. Every movement of his hands and fingers were precise. The nurses quietly passed him the tools he needed and carefully monitored the patient's vital signals.

"The procedure has been completed." Jiang Chen stepped outside as the nurses finished dressing the patient's incision.

Completely drained, physically and emotionally, Jiang Chen returned to his office and sat heavily in his chair. He propped his elbows on the desk and rested his head against his folded hands. A posture of utter lost, weariness, and defeat. The old emotions of three years rushed back. Always at times when he was alone, these uncomfortable feelings would make their presence known. His heart throbbed, his insides turning over and over to the point of nausea, his throat constricting and his eyes grew hot. But never could tears fall.

A sigh sounded in the small room, louder than the whispers of the trees being blown by the soft breeze outside.

He bared his heart and soul. He felt as though he had given all he could, all he had. _No, _he thought. _I can show that I can change, that I could be more considerate of her feelings. I will take every opportunity to cherish her and care for her. If she will give me this chance. _But she still needed time to consider. He used to be confident in her regard for him, but now, even though he knew that Xiaoxi might still like him, he was unsure if it was enough for her to be with him again. He hated feeling unsure.

From the corner of his eyes, he suddenly noticed a faint golden glow coming from his small resting room, where he had often collapsed after long and tiring shifts. The room where he often chose to sleep in, rather than returning to a quiet home, which all the more proved to him that he was alone.

He didn't recall standing up and walking over to the door, but he was certain that he would remember for the rest of his life, the moment he opened the door, stepped in, and saw a familiar sleeping figure lying on his little bed in his office. Xiaoxi's sweet sleeping face was reflected on the window.

_She's here, she's back. She's really here._

This single line of thought kept looping itself in Jiang Chen's mind.

His heart was bursting with joy. Euphoria bubbled inside of him, and a few silent laughs made its way out. He felt himself tearing up, this time because of happiness. He looked up at the ceiling, trying to blink away the feeling of crying. A smile broke through his usually stoic façade. He couldn't hold it back, but why should he? It felt like release, the years of weariness was swept away in this moment. His shoulders felt lighter, his heart felt lighter.

He sat by Xiaoxi's head, which was still turned facing the window. He leaned his head against the wall. Still smiling and sighing. _It's a dream. This must be a dream, and I never want to wake up. _His earlier fatigue disappeared like smoke. He wanted to run, he wanted to jump, he wanted to yell with triumph. No, he is still the same reserved person, he would never lower himself to such overt displays of strong emotion. Jiang Chen continued to smile as he gently caressed Xiaoxi's hair, as she slept soundlessly.

After awhile, Jiang Chen decided to sleep as well. He gently gathered Xiaoxi into his arms. One under her head, propping it up, and the other thrown over her waist, pulling her close. And for the first time in three years, Jiang Chen slept peacefully. His nose buried in the hair of the girl he loved, breathing in with every breath the fragrant and familiar smell of lavender shampoo.

His heart was full and content.

A short time later, for time is short when one sleeps deeply, Xiaoxi stirred. _What woke me? _It was in fact, not Jiang Chen's presence beside her that woke her from her sleep. It seemed that her traitorous body had always felt comfortable in this aloof person's presence. Xiaoxi glanced at the man beside her and smiled. _We will stay together this time, forever, _she thought. _But first, I need to pee. _

The arms around her waist suddenly tightened as she tried to get up. The pressure was so great on her bladder that she squealed mentally.

"Where are you going?" A soft deep voice asked. It seemed that there was a hint of vulnerability in the tone.

"Toilet."  
"Will you come back?"

"I will come back" She replied as she tried to search for the shoes that she kicked off when she crawled into bed hours earlier.

Arms circled around her from behind, as she felt Jiang Chen sit up and hug her. He gently rubbed her cheek with his.

"Come back soon." It was irrational, but it was too soon for her to leave his arms. Even if it was just to relieve bodily needs.

Jiang Chen decided to send Xiaoxi back home. He had a shift in a couple of hours, so he thought that he should just stay at the hospital for the night. Promises were made for the day's plan. He will call her after his rounds before his daily consultations. Chen Xiaoxi was to come see him after she got off work, then they will eat dinner together.

This time, they will learn to talk to each other, learn to trust each other, learn to depend on each other. _This time_, _I will keep her by my side. _

…

It was a week after Chen Xiaoxi's parents left. A day after he proposed, Jiang Chen's future in-laws had suddenly visited, with the claim to 'test' their future son-in-law. That night turned out to be a drink fest, and Jiang Chen might have gotten drunk as well, and did a couple embarrassing things. Thankfully, Xiaoxi did not mention it too much. At times, he still couldn't believe that Xiaoxi, as crazy as she is, as energetic as she is, as accommodating as she is to his moods, was his to marry and spend the rest of forever with.

Not that his cold professionalism at the hospital changed. The female nurses kept whispering to each other that Jiang Cheng's mood had improved considerably. Well, there was the fact that he did propose and was currently engaged to be married. Who wouldn't be happy about that? The rumour mill also mentioned that Dr. Jiang had not made any mistakes in signing prescriptions for quite some time. The female nurses were disappointed of course. They had been trying to catch the eye of this young doctor, but Dr. Jiang never gave them the time of day.

Despite things going well for the couple, Jiang Chen could not help but feel slightly wrong today. He sat in his office, one hand twirling his pen and the other tugging on the collar of his dress shirt. The tie was starting to get restricting, as if he was choking.

_I lost my first patient today…I lost Chen Xiaoxi also…_ He knew that he had learned to deal with death a long time ago. Witnessing so much pain, suffering and loss during his short years as a doctor taught him how to cope with losing patients and the thought of failure. He learned to accept he had given his best in helping each patient and that was enough.

But the memory of that day…her voice sounding those dreadful words... _I am not this ridiculous, we are already together now, and the past is the past. _Jiang Chen tried to shake off his suddenly dreadful mood. He quickly grabbed several patient files and made new notes, as work provided the easiest and most convenient distraction.

It did not help that Chen Xiaoxi was dealing with another particularly demanding client. She had called earlier to say that she would not drop by the hospital for her lunch break. Seeing her during the day would be nice, especially to remind himself that she was really in his life again. Jiang Chen sighed quietly. He felt her missing presence in the day even more keenly.

As usual nearing the end of a busy work shift, Dr. Jiang conducted his evening rounds, ignoring the gossipy and twittering nurses that followed him on his rounds. He closely observed the progress of his patients' recovery. Some were according to schedule, but some were not showing good results. He noted some comments in the patients' charts and discussed possible changes in each medical regimen. His nursing team seemed to notice that his mood had drastically shifted for the worst throughout the day. His sentences became even more short and clipped if possible. His lips were set in a thin line of annoyance and weariness. The nurses just assumed that it was because Chen Xiaoxi had not shown up today.

Around 9pm, Jiang Chen was unfortunately paged to the emergency ward for another urgent surgery. There was a case of internal bleeding and he was the only doctor available at the moment.

"Go to sleep first. I will be back after this surgery." Jiang Chen spoke into his phone.

"Work hard and add oil! Jiang Chen!" Xiaoxi replied. Jiang Chen nodded, but then realized that she couldn't see him, and made a sound in affirmation. (Author Note: "Add Oil" a direct translation from the Chinese term, which holds the same meaning as the 'ganbatte' in Japanese or 'hwaiting' in Korea – to encourage the recipient to give their best efforts.)

"Right, did you eat yet? If not, I will make noodles for you, just heat it up before you sleep. You should go now, I will hang up first." Xiaoxi hung up, as she heard some voices asking for Jiang Chen to prepare for surgery. _He is working too hard, and I am just lounging at home. _Chen Xiaoxi felt a little guilty, but their jobs are different, so there was nothing she could do about it.

Jiang Chen replied in thanks and said good-bye. A couple of nurses appeared at the door of his office, urging him on to the surgery.

Even in cases of emergency, especially one that is only within his general scope of knowledge, Dr. Jiang's performance was a success. Dr. Jiang was really one of the most skilled and knowledgeable surgeons the hospital acquired in the recent years.

It was nearly 1am at the conclusion of the surgery. An exhausted Jiang Chen made his way to Xiaoxi's. He had sneakily moved some of his belongings into her apartment after they got engaged. Not all his things, but just the daily essentials – change of clothes (work and casual), toiletries, his laptop and some books.

Jiang Chen quietly shuffled into Xiaoxi's apartment, forgoing lights since she was already sleeping. His tired body had only one goal – bed and sleep. He slurped the cold noodles Xiaoxi had prepared for him, too lazy to reheat the noodles and soup. He took the quickest shower of his life and immediately slipped into bed. Xiaoxi was sleeping soundly, ignorant of the fact that Jiang Chen had come home. Jiang Chen gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, before laying down and closing his eyes.

Chen Xiaoxi woke up and squinted in the dark. What was the noise that jolted her from her sleep? Beside her, Jiang Chen remained unconscious. She turned towards him, and suddenly frowned. Her fiancé was clutching the covers tightly. She became shocked as she noticed what greatly resembled tears, leaking from Jiang Chen's closed eyes. But there was no sound. _He's crying? _

"Jiang Chen, you're having a nightmare." She slowly reached over and pat his shoulder.

Chen Xiaoxi never felt so awkward and out of her element, as she did right now. She had never seen Jiang Chen shed tears, not even when he told her his dad passed away way back then. There was that time, when she had overheard him talking about the separation with Wu Bosong… But she hadn't stayed long after he apologized to her. Actually, she left because she thought it would be too undignified to give in so quickly as she always chased after him. Especially since she was shocked to feel his tears on the back of her hand. But Jingjing's timely call that night encouraged her to make the decision quickly. _What are you waiting for? _Jingjing had scolded. _You got the apology that you've been waiting for, both of you are sincere with each other, don't hold your grudge, this had cost you the last time. _

Jiang Chen's eyes opened. Xiaoxi saw fear and a hint of shame, possibly because he didn't want her to see him like this, with open emotions.

He felt vulnerable and embarrassed that he had the same dream, especially now that he was with Xiaoxi again. The one where he was running after her in the airport, her back to him. He would call out her name loudly, but she would not turn around. The crowds would get in the way, and he would lose sight of her, and he would shout "I'm here, don't leave me" futilely until he woke up. He would find himself crying, invariably alone, ashamed and guilty, sitting on his bed in his apartment in the middle of the night. Jiang Chen would probably die before admitting that he had such a dream about their separation. Xiaoxi would never know.

"Its okay, its only a dream." A soft voice sounded near his ear.

Unlike the last three years, this time, he did not wake alone. Xiaoxi was beside him, as she always was in his life. His only constant in the ever-changing world.

"Come here, I want to hug you." Jiang Chen mentally winced at such awkwardly phrased words. He always sounded better in his head, but when they come out…the words became an entirely different sentence altogether.

He gently tugged his fiancée into his arms. Xiaoxi's head laid on his chest and his arm cradled her head. He gently clasped the arm that Xiaoxi threw across his mid-section. At this moment, cradling Xiaoxi in his embrace, Jiang Chen concretely felt the reality that his love was truly back at his side, that she would be here with him, never leaving.

That's love. Xiaoxi accepted him no matter what side of him she saw. _This embarrassing side could not be any worse than my daily moods. _Jiang Chen thought. He wondered at how unconditionally she accepted him. That was his last thought as he slipped back into sleep.

She never asked about this night, and it was the last time Jiang Chen had this dream. Slowly the both became more secure in their relationship. It might also be because Jiang Chen suddenly brought them to the registration office and had them register as married soon after this event.

But always around a certain time in the late summer, Xiaoxi would suddenly find Jiang Chen slightly more considerate than usual. She couldn't recall any reason for it. He might ask that they eat somewhere nice as a 'break from work'. Sometimes when she got off work and returned home, she would find a new novel hidden amongst her stack of books messily strewn across the coffee table. Or she would find new drawing tools on her work desk, the same ones she'd obsess over for months. When Xiaoxi questioned Jiang Chen he would always say, "Your whining is getting annoying, the only solution was to buy it for you, so you will not be so noisy." Xiaoxi would pout at the mean words, and he would somewhat fondly sigh, "Spoiled."

* * *

Thanks for reading! Perhaps more to come. Let me know what you think!


End file.
